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Document: draft-ietf-intarea-nat-reveal-analysis-05
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: Mar-08-2013
IETF LC End Date: Mar-08-2013
IESG Telechat date: TBD

Summary: This draft is on the right track but has open issues, described in
      the review. [Ready with issues.]

This draft catalogs and analyzes various means of supplying a host
identifier to a

remote server when Carrier Grade NAT or similar host obscuring technology
is in use.

General: There were sentences in the draft that I could not parse even in
the context
of surrounding text.  That's primarily why I'm marking this draft as
"Ready with
issues".  These sentences are supplied below.  Mostly, the document has a
fair number
of nits.  The general concept is fine.

General: hyphenate uses of "address sharing" when it used as an adjective.
 For
example, "address-sharing device".

General: expand acronyms on first use except if they are really well known
in
our community (e.g., TCP/IP) or where they appear in the abstract.
Examples of
acronyms in need of expansion are HIP, XFF, ?.

General: You will probably want to resolve Internet Draft references to
something
more permanent.

General: The term "broken" should be replaced with something more specific
or useful.
I've made some suggestions below.

Section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: delete "an" before "information".

Section 1, 3rd paragraph: change "are" to "include".

Section 1, 3rd paragraph: change "customers unsatisfaction" to "and
customers' dissatisfaction".

Section 2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "an" before "extra".
Change "than" to
"beyond".

Section 2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: replace this sentence with "We
call this
information the HOST_ID."

Section 2, 2nd paragraph: add a serial comma after "subscriber".  Serial
comma use in
the draft was inconsistent.

Section 2, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: I'm not sure why the HOST_ID and
public IP address would be "relatively" unique.  Assuming that HOST_IDs
are unique amongst
the hosts hidden behind the public IP address and the public IP address is
unique,
I would have thought that the combination was globally unique.  My
confusion may arise
from the 4th sentence which is incomplete.  Perhaps those two sentences
could be
rewritten for clarity.

Section 2, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change "put" to "conveyed".

Section 2, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "put" to "conveyed".


Section 3, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: considering using
"identifiability" instead of
"uniqueness".

Section 3, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "which" with "what".

Section 3,1, 4th paragraph: add a comma after "re-write".  Change
"re-write" to
"rewrite".

Section 3.1, 5th paragraph: I don't quite follow what's being said here.
Is the point that the address-sharing function should reveal the same
HOST_ID for any given host
regardless of what layer or mechanism that HOST_ID is being conveyed
across?  How does
this relate to interference between HOST_IDs?

Section 4.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete "an" before
"information".

Section 4.1.1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert ", there are" after
"hence".

Section 4.1.1, 4th paragraph, consider replacing with: "Address-sharing
devices using
this solution would be required to indicate that out of band, possibly
using a special
DNS record."

Section 4.1.2, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: add a comma after "scenario".
Change "broken" to "ill-advised".

Section 4.2.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: add "A " at the beginning of
the sentence.

Section 4.2.1, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: rewrite as "This IP option
allows the
   conveyance of an IPv4 address, an IPv6 prefix, a GRE key, an IPv6 Flow
Label, etc."

Section 4.2.1, 2nd paragraph: insert "an" before "IP".

Section 4.2.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change "for" to "to".

Section 4.2.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: use of the term "filter" in
this sentence
is not clear.  Do you mean that that routes and middleboxes remove the IP
options?  Or
that they remove packets with IP options?  Or that they take other actions
based on the
presence of IP options?  Please clarify.

Section 4.2.2, 2nd paragraph: replace "As a" with "In".  Define
"host-hint" somewhere.
Is it meant to be equivalent to HOST_ID?

Section 4.3.1, 3rd sentence: change "their" to "its" both places in the
sentence.
Insert "or" before "subscriber".

Section 4.3.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "a" before "HOST_ID"

Section 4.3.2, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: change "in host" to "on the
host".  Insert
"the" before "address", and add a comma after "function".

Section 4.3.2, 1st bullet item: this is the IETF.  We don't need no
stinkin' OSI! :-)

Section 4.3.2, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: replace the sentence with
"Moreover, an
updated version of [I-D.wing-nat-reveal-option] no longer allows conveyance
of a full IP address as the HOST_ID is encoded in 16 bits."

Section 4.3.2, 2nd bullet item, 1st sentence: delete the comma after
"limited".

Section 4.3.2, 2nd bullet item, 4th sentence: delete the comma after "ACK".

Section 4.3.2, 2nd bullet item, 5th sentence: move "only" before "allows".
 Change
"to enclose" to "enclosing".

Section 4.3.2, 3rd bullet item, 3rd sentence: the characterization of
HOST_ID as
leaked information seems pejorative.  And how is a "communication leg"
defined?
Is this a standard term for communications between a CGN and a remote
server, or for
other backbone-carried communications?

Section 4.3.2, 4th bullet item, append a comma after "particular".

Section 4.3.2, 5th bullet item, 1st sentence: replace "to" with "the".
Change
"preserve" to "preservation of".

Section 4.3.2, 5th bullet item, 3rd sentence: change "to reveal" to
"revealing".

Section 4.4.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: move "not" before "to".
Change "at" to
"within".  Change "which" to "that".

Section 4.4.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "This" to "The".
Append "of the
conveyed information" after "format".

Section 4.4.1, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: change "their" to "its".

Section 4.4.1, 3rd paragraph: insert "the" before "X-Forwarded-For".

Section 4.4.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete "the" before "address".

Section 4.4.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: specify by whom the initiative
was launched.

Section 4.4.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: append "who are" after
"Wikipedia".

Section 4.4.2, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: would "transited" be more
appropriate than
"crossed"?  Insert "the" before "Forwarded".

Section 4.4.2, 6th paragraph: change "implementation" to
"implementations".  And that
begs the question: implementations of what?  Delete "some" before
"parsing".  Insert
"an" before "XFF".

Section 4.4.2, 7th paragraph: why is this "may be broken"?  Either the
Forwarded header can be injected or it cannot.  Under encryption, the only
way I can see to insert the
header is if the encrypted TLS session is passing through a
man-in-the-middle proxy
that is spoofing both of ends of the communication in order to be able to
transparently
decrypt the traffic.

Section 4.5.1, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: insert "The" before '"PROXY"'.

Section 4.5.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change "raise" to "arise".
Append a
comma after "firewalls".

Section 4.5.2, 2nd paragraph: change "broken" to "infeasible".  Change
"can not" to "cannot".

Section 4.6.1, 3rd paragraph: replace "do" with "are".  Change "require"
to "required".

Section 4.6.1, 4th paragraph: insert "an" before "option".

Section 4.6.2, 3rd paragraph: move "also" before "offering".  I presume
the "IP connectivity services" are those being offered to the host being
identified, but
that should be made clear in the text since the sentence is vague as to
which end
of the conversation is being reference.

Section 4.7.1: delete "an" before "identity".

Section 4.7.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "having" after "is".

Section 4.7.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "ported to be".

Section 4.8, title: insert "of" after "Use".

Section 4.8.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "differentiating" with
"host-identifying".

Section 4.8.2, 1st bullet item: insert "The" before "Address" and then
make "Address"
lower case.  I'm not sure what this sentence is trying to tell me, however.

Section 4.8.2, 2nd bullet item: replace "an" with "that the".

Section 4.8.2, 4th bullet item: delete "Some" before "implementation" and
then
capitalize "implementations".  Delete "to" before "delay" and append "of"
after "delay".
Change "receiving" to "receipt of".  Delete the comma after "Request".

Section 4.8.2, 5th bullet item: delete "may" before "receive" and then
change "receive"
to "receives".

Section 4.8.2, 8th bullet item: delete "a".

Section 4.8.2, 9th bullet item, 2nd sentence: change the first "are" to
"is".  Delete
"to be".

Section 4.9.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "address".
 Append a
comma after "IDENT".

Section 4.9.1, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: change "16 bit" to "16-bit".

Section 4.9.2, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "Alternatives" to
"Alternative".
Change "mechanism" to "mechanisms".  Change "design" to "designed".  I
don't think you
want the list of other transport mechanisms to include TCP since you've
already said
that IDENT is specific to TCP.

Section 4.9.2, 3rd bullet item, 1st sentence: insert "that" before "the
address".
Insert "the" before "IDENT".

Section 4.9.2, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "This" to "Such a".
Change
"deployable" to "feasible".  Delete "heavy and" unless you want to explain
what
heavy means.

Section 4.9.2, 5th bullet item: delete "Some" and capitalize
"implementations". 
Delete "to" before "delay" and append "of" after "delay".  Change
"receiving" to
"receipt of".  Delete the comma after "response".

Section 4.9.2, 6th bullet item: delete "a".

Section 4.9.2, 7th bullet item, 1st sentence: change "are" to "is".

Section 4.9.2, 7th bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "even" to "further".

Section 4.9.2, 9th bullet item: change "non legitimate" to "illegitimate".

Section 5, 1st paragraph after the Table 1 caption: append a comma after
"[Options]".
Insert ", and" before "ExtendTCP".

Section 5, 2nd paragraph after the Table 1 caption: change "Address" to
"address".

Section 5, 3rd paragraph after the Table 1 caption: change "to establish"
to
"for establishing".

Section 5, 4th paragraph after the Table 1 caption, 3rd sentence: change
"hold" to
"delay".  Change "receiving" to "receipt of".

Section 5, 4th paragraph after the Table 1 caption, 4th sentence: change
"at" to "on".

Section 5, 5th paragraph after the Table 1 caption, 3rd sentence: change
"hold" to "delay".  Change "receiving"
to "receipt of".  Insert "the" before "IDENT".

Section 5, 5th paragraph after the Table 1 caption, 4th sentence: change
"at" to "on".
Consider rewriting this sentence and the similar one in the previous
paragraph for even
greater clarity.

Section 7, 3rd paragraph: insert "used" before "to convey".

Section 8, 1st paragraph: append a comma after "Halpern".

Section 8, 2nd paragraph: append a comma after "Wing".

Section 8, 4th paragraph: change to "The privacy text was provided by A.
Cooper."